I love to read! I love books! I’m fascinated with words. How they’re spelled, what they mean, how they can be arranged to flow together beautifully to create an image or concept. I’m in awe of those who can expertly convey thoughts and unravel a story with words. This love of words and books has created in me the desire to weave words together to tell stories and convey messages as I’ve seen so many talented authors do. I’ve always had this dream of writing but, here I am, more than half way through my life, and I’ve done very little of it. Why is that, you may ask? And that’s a great question, as I’ve been asking myself that for quite a while. The simple answer: fear. There is that small, intimidating voice in the back of my head that says, “You don’t have anything other people want to hear. Who would read your books or articles? You won’t be able to write as beautifully as the great writers.” And, so, I’ve let that voice keep me from doing the thing that, I believe, is my gift and my calling. Pretty sad, huh? But God! God has been healing me and leading me from a place of insecurity and fear to a place of confidence and courage. In my prayer time, I’ve been asking the Lord to “search me and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:” Psalm 139:23 I’ve been asking him to reveal to me the dark places in my soul, places where there is unforgiveness, anger, bitterness because where there are these things, then there is a block to how the Holy Spirit can work in my life. Rather, there is an opening for Satan to dwell and whisper the lies that feed my fears. I do not want to live in the darkness of his lies. I want to live in the light of the truth of who I am in the grace and majesty of my Lord and King, Jesus. As I’ve done this, God has slowly revealed to me these places of unforgiveness and anger and I’ve been able to repent. Oh, the freedom that comes with that repentance! And, even better is the ability to hear God’s voice and understand His Word.

In my quiet time today, I read the account in Scripture where Jesus heals the impotent man by the pool of Bethesda. (Please read John 5:1-9) Jesus asks the man if he wants to be made whole? This seems like a question with an obvious answer. This man has been dealing with his infirmity for 38 years. It would seem that his answer would be a resounding Yes! However, that’s not what he said. Instead, he told Jesus that he couldn’t be healed because he had no man that could help him be the first one in the water when it was troubled. Jesus’ response was 3 simple commands, “Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.” The man was waiting on a supernatural event, the angel troubling the water, to be healed of his infirmity. Scripture doesn’t tell us exactly what this infirmity was. We only know that he had it for 38 years and he was lying by the pool, waiting. This passage came alive for me this morning as I realized that I was like that man in that I’ve been waiting for some supernatural message from God to tell me what to write and how to write it! I’ve been lying on my mat instead of taking up my pen and doing the thing that God has obviously given me the love for and desire to do. Just as that man rose, picked up his mat and walked, it is time for me to rise above my fears, pick up my mat (the comfortable, self-protecting habits I’ve settled into to avoid doing a new thing) and walk in the power and freedom of becoming the writer that, I believe, God created me to be. I’m starting here, on this blog. From here, I plan to write books. What kind? How many? I’m not sure yet. But the one thing I am sure of is that it’s time for me to stop saying “I can’t” and time to take up my pen (or laptop) and write!