Eight years ago today was the beginning of a 12 day journey that would end in a place I never dreamed I’d be.  As a matter of fact, it would end with me being a person I swore I’d never be, a single mom.  Before my mom met my stepdad, she struggled as a single mom and I decided back then that I would never be in that place. Since then, I’ve learned that life will sometimes take you down roads you never wanted to go and I’ve learned to never say never. 

God took my precious husband, Rob,  home on November 2, 2014 leaving me and our 7 children.  Josh, Brice, Russell and Kevin were 17, 15, 13 and 11.  All four of them were following in their dad’s footsteps of playing baseball.  Although he never served as head coach for their teams, he was always there cheering them on and helping the coaches.  Josh was in his senior year of high school that year and applying to colleges with the hope of playing college ball like his dad.  Rebecca, Leah and Hannah were 9, 7, and 4, Rob’s princesses. He nicknamed them Princess #1, #2 and #3. 

During those 12 days of his sickness we prayed, hoped and believed he’d get better.  Yes, it was bad and his condition was serious, but we served a God of miracles.  Our church and our community were all rallying around us and praying with us.  The situation was tough, but we were sure he’d pull through. He had to.  We needed him. I needed him.  He had been my best friend since I was 17.  We’d been married for 20 years.  I couldn’t imagine my life without him.   I couldn’t raise these 7 children on my own. God knew all these things, right? Then, in the early hours of November 2, 2014 our whole world stopped. That was when our Precious Savior took my husband, my children’s daddy, home.  Just like that, he was gone.  The most difficult, most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever had to do was to tell my children that their dad wasn’t coming home.  He was their world.  He loved each one of them so much.  He spent countless hours on the baseball field with his boys and playing hide and seek and reading books to his girls.  They loved their excursions out in his truck to get ice cream or just run errands together.  He wouldn’t hesitate to load all 7 of them up into the van to go out to dinner when I needed a break.  He truly was a Super Dad!  And, now, in the blink of an eye, he was gone. We were shocked and shattered.  I didn’t have any idea how I would manage.  Children need their father. I needed my husband.  However, in the midst of all the shock and grief there was one thing that steadied me, one ray of light that kept breaking through, God’s love for us.  I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that God was there, that He loved us with a perfect and unfailing love, that He would not forsake us and that He would take care of us.  In the deepest places of my heart, I knew that the One who formed Rob in his mother’s womb, the One that gave Him life had taken Him home.  I knew that God had answered our prayers.  He had healed him and that now he was perfectly whole and in the presence of his Savior.  Knowing these things sustained me in those first days and weeks.   Not to say it wasn’t hard, that the grief wasn’t staggering, because it was.  I learned that I could go through such intense pain and grief while maintaining my deep faith and love for my Lord.  I drew even closer to God in those days.  My faith grew stronger as I felt His presence and his favor over us and as I saw His Church surround and love us.  It is truly a paradox, but in the darkest days of my life, I experienced the sweetest love of my life.  In Isaiah 53 it says, “Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him; he hath put Him to grief” and “He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied.” At first glance, I look at these verses and think, Wow! It pleased God to see His Son suffer, to see Him in pain?  It satisfied God to see the travail of His Son’s soul? How can that be? How could a good God be pleased with that?  He was pleased because of the result, the outcome of all that pain and travail. He was pleased with what that pain produced and what could be produced from nothing other than the travail and sorrow Jesus endured.  Isaiah 53:11 says “by His knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for He shall bear their iniquities.”  Jesus, perfectly sinless Jesus, took on all of the sin and shame of all of God’s children and took the punishment for us.  He paid the debt that we could never pay and wrought Salvation for us!  That is what pleased God!  And praise God that He allowed His Son to walk through that pain and suffering and to endure the shame of the cross to give us eternal life!  My precious husband is perfectly whole and perfectly healed, enjoying eternity with the One who created him and loves him with a perfect and wonderful love.  That pleases God.  “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.”  Psalm 116:15. Our family was given a glimpse of that perfect and wonderful love through His people as they took care of us during that difficult time. This pleases God.  He loves to see His children love one another as He has loved us.  John 13:34-35 says, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”  It was during this time that I cried out to God like I never had before and He heard me and answered me!  This, also, pleases God. He wants us to seek Him.  Psalm 34:6-8 says, “This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them. O taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” And bless me He did in the most amazing ways. Going through those days enabled me to experience blessings of love that I had never experienced before, and quite frankly, don’t think I could have experienced without being plunged into such a dark time.  One of which was opening my eyes and heart to how amazing it is to have a close relationship with Jesus.  I learned that He alone is my provider and protector.  I learned that He is my best friend and Husband. There is not a single person on this earth who can fulfill those roles more perfectly. 

I look forward to the day when, like my husband, I will see Him face to face.  I will then know even as also I am known. I Corinthians 13:12.   For now, what a joy it is to live my life with Him always in my heart and by my side.  I am not now, have never been and never will be alone!  Thank you, Jesus. 

“Out of the deepest waters and the hottest fires have come the deepest things that I know about God.” Elisabeth Elliot